I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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