I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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