Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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