I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
