Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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