is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
