if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
