nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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