I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
