My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
