Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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