operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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