My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
