is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize
