oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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