I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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