I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
