you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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