i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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