Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
