HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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