I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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