I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
