The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
