my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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