i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
