I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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