if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
