listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
