Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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