Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
