She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
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