I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
