airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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