Sponge bath it is.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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