Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
