We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I love having hate sex.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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