Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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