I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
