Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
