I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
