i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
