Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
