go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'm gonna fight the coyote
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
