You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Randomize
