what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
