her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i was born a porn star she said
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
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