Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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