Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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