I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Randomize
