And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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