Only a mothe r could love this liver
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
