I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
