yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
