So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it glows. i had to have it.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize