Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
