Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
We left the knife in your bed.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
