I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Houston, we have a blender
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
