because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
