I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
