I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
