In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
