Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Randomize
