I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize