now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
