i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
