if i can run in heels then i can drive
I am in a vortex of obligation.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
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