Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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