my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
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Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
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Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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