I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
So squirting runs in the family.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
